In Loving Memory

While joking around and chatting with a cousin at a camping trip a few months ago, both of us stopped instantly, as the first notes of “Wish You Were Here”, by Pink Floyd, began to play. What I felt and what I saw? A combination of sadness, frustration, anger, surprise, loss and love. While I could be projecting my own feelings towards my cousin, I know for a fact, all these emotions were pushed on to me when I was not ready for it. It was an assault that I was not prepared for.

while reflecting over the last year, I realize I have been ill prepared for the whole of it. For some reason, this year has been a bitch. The smell of old spice brings instant memories of sitting on my dads lap, on the boat deck, looking at the stars and listening to his stories from his time in the Merchant Navy. A turtle, be it a picture, sculpture or the real thing, I get flash backs to being a teenager, with a wonderful friend who didn’t get to see past his early twenties but knowing how short his life would be, he lived to the fullest. The taste of instant coffee with whitener, mustangs, driving through Ladner, washing clothes, vacuuming and “Fishin in the Dark”, instantly bring me here, to today.

With random thoughts and dreams through the years, the days of commemoration are not always the days that weigh heavy. However, for some reason, today has hit me hard. With many moments that come on like this, I often ache, reminisce and joke around, while talking or thinking through memories by myself or with others. While this time may be no different in that regards, I do wish to allow myself “a day”. A day that I am prepared for all the emotions; A day were I can have some wine, listen to some country music, go through pictures, and go through whatever feelings come my way.

I have been asked by people if I believe time heals all wounds. No, it doesn’t. At least not for me. What time does, is allow my mind and body to figure out a way to navigate life, the good and the bad, with the pain of loss still there, just peeking over from behind a mental wall. Some days you wake up and that wall is not there, unprepared for it, it feels just as raw as the day it happened. Today, I have decided to take the wall down on my own. Just for today.








This is how old I will be on the 9th. Time is something that can fascinate me. Just a short stretch of 5 years ago, where was I? Having just moved back from Vancouver, fresh out of the most toxic relationship I had been in, the relationship that shook me to the core and woke me up out of a lifelong pattern of being with alcoholics, mental and emotional manipulators and abusers, I was just over a month into dating my now husband. I was starting a journey into a healthy relationship when I was anything but. A journey with an amazing human, best friend and life partner, that supports and gives me freedom to be me, and learn who me is.

Another 5 years before that? I was 27. In a relationship with someone who was a good person but unable to help themselves and incredibly negative. I had recently graduated my nurse aid course and having done over a year of home support, I was just venturing into long term care facility work. It seems so long ago yet just yesterday.

It amazes me how much I grow and change (and stay the same) in just a few short years. It makes me wonder where I will be at 42.

Anyhoo, I have officially signed up and paid for a bunch o school that all starts in September. I have a tax course to take. I manage a tax office, so it helps to know taxes a little bit :). I’m also taking a intro to management course at our main college here, because why not? I like school, and if I chose to continue managing, I would love some more tools for the job. Then Sociology. That ones just for me. Philosophy, sociology, psychology, all fascinate me, so I decided to start with an into to sociology as it fits my schedule well.

My daughter moved back home. I may die of not surprised. I’m glad she did. I’m also proud of her that she broke it off with her boyfriend. Seems odd to be proud of something like that but it lets me know that even if she cares for someone, if it’s not a good match, she has it in her to see that and act on it despite the pain. It also allows her to see that if someone breaks up with her, its not because the other person doesn’t care. She is however, taking a little too long for my liking with upgrading, as she quit her job to hit the books hard, but…… well, not so hard. I may have to make her get a part time job again if she continues to take too long.

Husband is stupid busy. It seems that whatever inflammatory disease he has, the pain lessens when using his hands. So go go go go go. I just worry about him overdoing it. However, he is happy to have the energy and drive and need to be busy as before he had barely any energy just to make it to work 5 days a week.

Animals. I love my furry guys so damn much. They are all mamas babies. I woke up the other day to the cat, Poe, sleeping on my back, Oona, the Boston, in between my legs and Charlie, the big goofball, draped up against me with his back paws by my head and his head and paw draped over my foot. All 3 whine and cry if they can see me but can’t get to me. They are Velcro.

We recently went to a family camping trip for my cousins dirty 30 and the dogs were amazing there. Off leash no problem. Staying with the pack, yup. Charlie however brought his great Pyrenees side with him and established the main pack to protect on day one, so when more people joined us the next day, he wasn’t a fan, so kept going from person to person with a sniff test, and if he felt they didn’t have the right permit to be with the core pack, he barked at them. So damn cute.


Fell Off The Planet

I blink and its the end of spring. The last few months have been insane. Mostly good with a dash of ass.

Work. I love my work. Who knew a control freak like me would love a job where I get to order people around? ;). In reality, I delegate, work front desk, make schedules, work with unhappy clients, deal with complaints, organize things and lightly “discipline” when needed. I use quotation marks there because it’s more of talking through things. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all rainbows and skittle farts. Through the peak season I had someone whom was very insubordinate who ended up quitting. I bumped heads with another towards the end of the season as well. I make mistakes all the time, though I laugh about most of them. I’ve dealt with some nasty angry clients whom some I’ve been able to make things better for them, others not. It seems to be the nature of the office life. Having said all that, my team is also amazing. I’ve also made some friends and started socializing as well…..odd that one. Overall, love it.

School. I’ve signed up and put my deposit down for a course starting in September. Now that the peak season for tax is over, my hours are wonderfully low, allowing me to get back to what I was doing before. School was a big one on my list. So I decided to explore areas that relate to my work life. For my college course I’m taking a business management course to see if I want to peruse the business administration program or not. I will also be taking a regular tax course at that time as well.

Health. Well, this area could always be better. Through the peak season of work I was working 5-10 days in a row, 8-12 hour days. With hubby working as well, this meant frozen foods or take out. It’s truly amazing how much home cooked meals make a difference in health. Both hubby and I packed on a lot of weight during this time. We didn’t change the quantity of what we ate, just the quality. Man, what a huge difference, especially when you really get to see it like that. For hubby, well his pains go a bit more. He is having severe problems with his hands lately. While we have to wait on some tests, 2 Doctors are thinking rheumatoid arthritis. Nasty shit.

Pets. All seems to be well. Poe is Poe. She loves to cuddle at the computer, like right now, driving me nuts while I’m trying to type. Though cute as hell. (with my YouTube dateline murder mysteries in the background 😉 )20170524_110150 (1)

Charlie and Oona are really good. Charlie is now over a year old. He is so cuddly for a dog. He actually LOVES hugs and tucks his head into your chest while hugging. Very rare for a dog. He can be such a goof but at times just be so….. I don’t know, an old soul?

Oona is getting older now. At 6 years of age, with Bostons being Notorious for overheating and over doing it, I definitely see her not be able to go as long before she plops down in shade for a break. We take the dogs to a really great park by the university and they both go off leash. They whine about 2-4 blocks away because they start to recognize their favorite place. The other day, there was a small mud puddle left from the rain and to our surprise, after running around, she just plopped into the puddle, back legs spread out behind her, and dragged herself around to cool off. So unexpected and really damn cute and funny. Then again on our most recent trip, with no puddles, she found some shade. Well, they both did.20170521_150419

Kid. Last but most important. My daughter rocks. She is just doing her thing, delivering pizzas and loving the tips, figuring out life. She is waiting on school to figure out what she wants to do and I see no reason to pressure her. It is her life and I want her career to be 100% her choice. She gets back from France today. A present from her dad for her 19th Birthday. Yes, 19TH BIRTHDAY. I have a 19 year old daughter. Time really does just flash by. I worry about her a lot though. She has her things just like everyone else but things can hit her really hard. She has sorta moved out with her boyfriend. Most of her things are still here, so who knows, she may be back ;). What can I say, you want your kids to do better than you, and so far she is kicking my ass in that regards and I love seeing it. It makes me proud and so happy.

So much more but my memory is ass. Thats why do this now. But then I forget about it and by the time I sit down to write stuff, I’ve forgotten a ton 😉 Oh well.


I just worked 10 days in a row. I have today off, then back at it.

It’s odd running and office and training new people, while learning myself. But I think I’m ok at it, so far at least.

I’ve been told by both my husband and daughter that when I am not home, both dogs mope around, pining for the loss of my presence. So the last 10 days have been an adjustment for them.

My daughter got her drivers licence! She had her day booked but it decided to snow. She wasn’t going to let that stop her, so she passed even in the snow and ice. I so proud of her! She is also busy working and upgrading her school.

My hubby now has a ton of energy. I suppose getting oxygen at night now is the main reason, though both he and I seem to have also found a combination of meds that works for each of our health issues.

My baby Oona seems to be a statistic that states, Boston Terriers are prone to multiple tumors. She has 3 now but they are super small. With a bunch of vet visits and second opinions, we have found the course of action that is most fitting for her.

Charlie is still a cuddle bug.

A lot of change is going on in the house right now. Mostly positive. I can’t complain.

What Did I Just Say Yes To?

So much for my semi retirement.

I have been asked to manage one of the busy tax offices by our main University this season. I figured why not? Give it a try. Then I was asked if I could continue to manage this office year round as part time in the off season. I said yes. Not sure why. I like my freedom. But at the time of the request, I actually wanted to. Do I now? Yes, but I’m worried after a few months I wont. I guess I can always just go back to seasonal if I don’t end up liking it. Also, extra money never hurts.

Puppy is getting big. He is 48.5 lbs of snugly fluff. Charlie and Oona continue to get along fine.


Back when we first got Charlie

This recent snow. His first.

My daughter has her learners and just bought a car the other day. Hubby and I took her out for a lesson last night and it made me contemplate more about my not having my DL. Given my anxiety and my great ability to daydream, I really do think I would be an unsafe driver. So as much as the idea of having it is nice, I just don’t think it’s a good idea.

Trump won. Good lord. Not that the other options were any good, but Trump has managed to bring out all the closet racists, homophobes, bigots, and asshats. Some of whom happen to be family members.

Oh well, life goes on.

Merry HOHO!!

Shit Or Get Off The Pot

There seems to constantly be something in the way of me getting out backpacking.

I can only go on Saturdays right now because the weekdays I would end up on the trail in the dark because hubby is my ride and he works Monday to Friday. Then the weather, with two back to back wind storms landing on Saturday in a row. Being that I’m a pussy and this is my first time doing this, I don’t want to go out when its a major downpour. Rain is ok. Vancouver Island forest flooding , not so much. Then I realized that Charlie has an upcoming snip snip and he will be unable to go on any adventures with me for a few weeks after. One thing after the other…..

Then my cousin called yesterday. She seemed interested in doing this with me, so we set a date! I wont bring the dogs for this one and it will be nice to get my feet wet, literally and figuratively, with company. I just have to hope for no cold snap when we go.

New version of Civilization came out. I has a happy.

My kid is driving me nuts. I love her, but my god is she messy. Are 18 year olds still insanely moody and snippy? Cause mine is. Oh well. I’m no sweet Sally myself 🙂


Test Run

So I decided it was time to test my gear….. In my backyard.

The dogs seemed to love it, I lasted only an hour, due to the air mattress having a leak. Some things you just need to spend the extra bucks for.

So next day. I went and got something else and tried again. I lasted about 3 hours.

I am ready to go now, even though I only made 3 hours. So why so little time?

1. I need to learn to sleep on my back. Things will be much easier.

2. Peeing. Oh how urinating vexes me.

I need to find a FUD (female urinating device) so I do not have to leave the tent 3 times a night. I’m old and have a pathetic bladder 🙂

Uh Oh

It has now been about 12 days since we got charlie and he has already managed to gain 8 lbs. Yes, puppies grow quick, but he is now 28 lbs at 4.5 months and Border Collies average 35-45 fully grown. He may look like a BC but I’m suspecting he will get bigger than normal for a BC , due to the Great Pyrenees in him.

I love watching them play. Especially Oona as she has this hilarious face when excited that I call “psycho face”. See picture below.

I’ve even managed to get my husband to enjoy the dog park after dinner to let them off leash and play.


It’s Like Having Another Baby


Potty training, Doctors appointments, school, socializing, snuggles, love, positive reinforcement, no time to yourself, no sleeping in, constantly cleaning up…..

So Charlie is a goofball. He and Oona seem to get along really good for the most part. They play a lot together, but as with any dog, sometimes it escalates and I have to give them a time out.

I’ve been treat training him. Hes learned sit, stay and look at me (to get his attention on me when other things might get him super insanely excited). Sit, I get about 80% of the time and the other two, maybe about 60%. Stay is a hard one for him because he is so excited.

He is a little behind on socialization. He was already four months when we got him and of course he couldn’t play with other dogs until he had his first shots. Now that he has the shots, tonight is his first socialization class with other puppies.

As for humans, I have a bit of a problem there. Both Trevor and I do not like people, so we don’t have any was of socializing him to new people coming over. So I’m going to have to figure something out for that pretty quick.

He is a love bug with a TON of energy, but puppies are only allowed 5 minutes of walking for every month in age, so I can only take him for 2 – 20 minutes walks a day. So the rest is trying to tire his mind out from home/the backyard.

Both the cuties are currently in a deep sleep because I managed to keep em busy for a good 3 hours. I’m sure this silence will last no more than 30 minutes…… 🙂


Humble Pie

I’m currently eating some humble pie. hmmmm mmmm good.

I don’t and won’t put money into the hands of any “sanctuary” that breeds. I will also not put anything towards any kind of zoo and aquarium. This continues to my refusing to ever buy a puppy at a pet store as they are ALL from puppy mills.

I also always preach about adopting older dogs and cats instead of young ones. In my preaching, a cousin and her husband said that if they get a dog, they want a puppy so they know there are no issues. Yet, I still preached……. and then got a puppy.

My husband and I went to the SPCA to look at dogs the other day. One thing led to another and we brought home this amazing 5 year old boy who was so sweet and gentle. Except to cats. Had we not kept him on his leash, my cat could be dead right now.

Could we have continued to try with older dogs and got one with no issues with cats? Of course we could have. But how many attacks, and scares for all of us, especially the furry family members, are acceptable?  What if a new pooch over powers myself or my husband and badly hurts, or worse, one of the furry ones?

So while I sit here with my humble pie, chewing away, I have a few phone pics to post as my camera battery is dry right now.

We did name him Charlie and he is a Border Collie, Great Pyrenees cross. He is 4 months old and can seriously compete with Oonas bum bombs.